The
Forum: Fast, Powerful and Highly Unethical
I grew
up in rural Montana in close proximity to a well armed, survivalist,
doomsday cult and so I considered myself very in tune with cult
mind control and recruitment techniques and the very real dangers
and elusive rewards that destructive cults offer. With my first
hand experience always in the back of my mind I didn't think
that there was any way that the destructive influence of a cult
could sneak into my life. I was wrong!
My wife
told me about a self-help 'workshop' that she wanted to take.
A friend of hers had taken a weekend course called The Forum
or Landmark Education and bragged to my wife about how empowered
and insightful she had become since taking the courses. Her
friend was so influenced by this group that she started dedicating
huge amounts of her own time and money to expanding and recruiting
for the group. My wife became interested in gaining this insightfulness
for herself. Until this point I had never heard of Landmark
Education or the Forum and had no reason to be suspicious or
even skeptical of her friend's claims. I have always been completely
supportive of my wife's personal growth and even though the
$375 price was a stretch for our budget I didn't give it a second
thought. After 8 years of being together I had nothing but respect
for my wife's judgment and the only literature that I had seen
from the group was nondescript but very commercially slick.
I couldn't imagine what kind of insights my wife hoped to gain
from such a corporate sounding group.
Both
my wife and I were particularly busy in the weeks leading up
to her Forum weekend and had not really had a chance to talk
about it in depth. It was not until the night before the Forum
that I learnt that it would run from 9 am until about midnight!
Knowing that sleep deprivation is one of the cornerstones of
mind control a red flag went up in the back of my mind. I went
to bed that night slightly concerned but still respectful of
my wife's judgment even though we both know that she doesn't
function well at all on less than 8 hours of sleep a night.
The
next night I went to sleep before she got home from her first
night at the Forum but was shaken to find out the next morning
that not only had she gotten home well past midnight, but she
had also stayed up for hours afterwards doing 'homework'. But
what frightened me even more was that she was starting to use
'loaded' language which I knew was a tool that cults use to
verbally isolate their members from the rest of society and
limit their critical thinking capabilities. Later I even found
out that the leader had manipulated the group through coercion
and peer pressure to go as long as six hours without using the
bathroom, my wife dealt with this by simply dehydrating herself
for the whole weekend. Physical discomfort is another means
by which to enhance the affects of thought reform . I tried
to talk with my wife about my concerns and to try to gain more
information from her but found her to be in a completely manic,
defensive, self-absorbed mindset and unable to intelligibly
discuss the situation. And of course she had to rush back to
the Landmark offices for her second day. When she did eventually
call me later that day on one of her 'breaks' it was not to
discuss my concerns but to try to recruit me into the group!
It was
at this point that I started to call various friends to see
if anyone else had heard of the Forum and to see if I had justification
to be concerned. I was eventually lead to find information on
the web and was stunned about what I read. Such as the 60 Minutes
exposé on the group and their megalomaniac leader Werner
Erhard who had been accused of everything from bigamy and tax
evasion to child molesting and spousal abuse, he even claimed
to be God. Or the many stories of people having psychotic episodes
or even committing suicide after attending the Forum. Probably
most disturbing was their classic use of thought reform and
peer pressure techniques to coerce their attendees into following
and expanding their empty and self-serving philosophies. It
was also becoming evident to me that the Forum had developed
a pattern of using their considerable legal power to persecute
anyone who opposed them. How could something like this have
snuck into my life? Could my wife not understand the dangers
involved with thought reform? Or the tragic possible consequences
associated with attending these types of groups? Reading what
others had written about their personal experiences with the
Forum and some of the tragic results that had come from involvement
with the Forum gave me the bravery to go down and pull her out.
Unfortunately
for me I underestimated the raw psychological power that Landmark
Forum could have over its converts' minds in just a few days.
Gone was my loving, emotionally and mentally complex wife replaced
with an almost child like narcissist capable only of babbling
Forum jargon (Loading of the Language). My every concern was
met with a short, terse reply that started with 'the Forum leader
says' and ended with some simple, catchy, close-ended sound
bite such as 'the Forum is not a cult because cults hurt people
while the forum helps people.' She simply could not be reasoned
with and finally threatened that the only way she was leaving
was if it was going to be the end of our marriage. She urged
me to go and speak to one of the Forum 'counselors' otherwise
she was going back. My wife had NEVER EVER spoken like this
before and I can honestly say that seeing her mind this far
gone without her even being able to realize it was the single
most terrifying and confusing experience of my entire life.
She happily went back to the Forum and told the Forum leader
all about my apprehensions, he was quick to reassure her I was
wrong.
That
night when she came home I was at a complete loss of words and
had no idea what I could say or who I could turn to. A distant
acquaintance of mine had been in a cult and had gotten out with
the help of friends and the Cult Awareness Network so I tried
to contact them only to later find out that none other than
Scientology and Landmark Forum had sued the nonprofit out of
existence . I simply had no idea of whom I could turn to or
where to go for help.
The
next day when she went back I was utterly out of my mind with
worry and confusion as to what to do or who to turn to and finally
decided with much heartache to do the most radical step I could
think of to try to snap her out of what almost seemed like a
real, powerful spell. I decided that I needed to move out of
our house hoping that this would shock her into realizing what
a big mistake she was making. Once again however I sadly underestimated
the raw power that the Forum had over my wife's mind. When she
found out that I had left she STILL DECIDED TO STAY! The Forum
leaders were able to convince her that I was simply threatened
by her personal growth and that I was a roadblock holding her
back from her true potential, they on the other hand were her
true friends who could guide her to enlightenment while I was
only going to hold her back. They even convinced her to sign
up for advanced courses. It was only through the intervention
of other family members that she was able to realize how out
of control she was and they were able to stop her from going
to the ending Tuesday night 'graduation' (read recruitment)
session.
As I
read back over these events I realize that a lot of people might
think that my wife and I simply have one of those dramatic,
crazy relationships, but this is simply not true. I'm not going
to pretend that my wife and I had a perfect marriage, but I'm
also not willing to say that we had anything less than a very
good one. We were passionate about our love for one another,
creative and engaging in our communications and we enjoyed a
close and supportive network of family and friends that appreciates
and understood our values. We both only worked part-time doing
our dream jobs that we were passionate about and this allowed
us to spend more quality time together than most couples. We
were financially secure and enjoyed the quality of our lifestyle;
we were even in the process of building a vacation home together.
We had projects that we worked on together as well as healthy
friendships apart from each other and were active members of
the local community. At the risk of sounding sappy, we were
the kind of couple that turned to each other at least once a
week and asked sincerely, "how on earth did we get so lucky
to have such a great life?"
The
Forum brought this all to a crashing halt and has caused a huge
gaping hole of mistrust and anxiety between us. The financial
cost and time commitment to the Forum was relatively small,
but the emotional cost to the friendship and trust with my wife
is immeasurable and priceless. Even the financial cost of couples
and individual therapy to bring us back together is staggering.
In the long run I hope that my wife and I will be able to rebuild
our relationship with a greater understanding and respect for
each other but right now that still looks like a long and painful
road.
Ironically
I do agree with about 40% of the Forum's philosophies: We should
take more responsibilities for our actions, we should reach
out and clean up our old emotional relationship messes, we should
all be aware of the things that we are doing inside ourselves
that are holding us back and the like. The Forum however takes
all of these ideas to such an extreme that they become self-destructive
and uses them against its victims. These methods become especially
destructive in the group context in which Landmark uses thought
reform. Any value taken to an extreme becomes worthless; bravery
for an example taken to an extreme simply becomes stupidity.
Ultimately what the Forum offers is a hollow extremist philosophy
built by a greedy self-centered company around continually turning
people against themselves and into Forum junkies all while recruiting
family, friends and associates to do the same. Yes, like many
cults the Forum has helped people do great things and gain greater
understanding of themselves. However the cost of these benefits
is very high in giving up the ability to think and reason for
ones self, which I personally feel, is one of the most sacred
and important values of all. If you really want to make some
real changes in your life you are going to have to find a good
therapist and perhaps more importantly, do the work yourself.
If you
are reading this there is a good chance that you are in a similar
situation that I was in and wondering what you can do about
it. If you are in the unusual situation of reading this while
a loved one is having their Forum weekend and if you are feeling
at all uncomfortable about it, I urge you to rush down and simply
pull them out. Yes, they have guards at the door and everyone
in the room will sneer at you and you will probably have to
make a big scene. There is even a good chance that your loved
one will be spaced out and desperately want to stay and have
a long mental list of all the reasons why they should. Simply
stand your ground. Tell them that you think that they have not
made an informed decision, tell them that if they should come
home with you and do more research about this group and should
they still think that they want to go that you will personally
pay for it. Tell them whatever you need to, but be firm and
get them out because the Forum does not just manipulate your
mind, they manipulate your heart and that is simply not a part
of you that you want this greedy and unethical company to control.
The
good news is that there are helpful, thoughtful and well balanced
organizations out there such as Cult Counseling America
(www.MyOwnMind.com)
that present a reasonable and broad array of information about
these types of groups (and they even let you go to the bathroom!)
Also, the armor that Landmark Education wraps itself in is actually
quite thin if you are willing to look past their glossy brochures
and slick sales techniques. You are not alone if Landmark Education
has mistreated you or a loved one and there are people out there
who can help.
I
have chosen to present this letter anonymously for two reasons,
the first of which is that this whole episode had been painful
and embarrassing to my family and we simply need to put this
episode behind us. Writing this letter and warning others about
this group has been an important part of my healing process.
The second reason is that we simply want to be left alone; Landmark
Education continued to call us even after we asked them to stop
and only discontinued after I threatened legal action. Landmark
Education has a long history of aggressive legal action against
anyone that stands in their way and I simply want them to stay
away from my family and me.
Notes:
1.
'Homework' is assigned to the attendees by the Landmark Forum
to keep ones mind occupied during the few hours of free time
they are given so that they don't have time to properly reflect,
analyze and digest the powerful processes, social and otherwise,
which are at work. By having one stay up late doing 'homework'
Landmark gains by having a tired person the next day whose ability
to resist their intrusive daylong, un-ethical psychological
processes is diminished.
2.
Landmark uses other methods of keeping their attendees physically
uncomfortable such as running the air-conditioner to keep the
room well below comfortable temperature (what attendees describe
as chilly or cold) and having them sit on hard chairs which
- as attendees describe them -"make you extremely uncomfortable".
3. Be
careful! For many years, the non-profit Cult Awareness Network
(CAN) was a grass roots organization, which provided information
and support to those in need. In 1996, a member of the Church
of Scientology in federal bankruptcy court purchased the Cult
Awareness Network (CAN) name, logo, and phone number. CAN is
now manned by cult members or their defenders who do not believe
that mind control cults even exist. When an unsuspecting family
member or friend calls CAN, they will not get the help they
need. Unfortunately, CAN's confidential files were turned over
to Scientology and Landmark Education.
